Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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