Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
