i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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