Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
