It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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