I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Say something about gay babies.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
