I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
