Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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