My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
