I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
