What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
