i just wanna soil my oats bro
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
