I'm pants shitting drunk right now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
