so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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