So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
