SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
