I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
