Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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