matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
