the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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