WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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