Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
