i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
