whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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