it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
