he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
