Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
