At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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