Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
