Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
