A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
