He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
