Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
