it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
