found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
