You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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