doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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