I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
