So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
