i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
