um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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