You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
