it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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