WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
