Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
