So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
