If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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