i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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