May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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