i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
