woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
