As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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