I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
